To be daring means to be able to do things even though they are scary or painful. It means confronting your fears, overcoming barriers so that you can be a better version of yourself.
Self-development is never easy. We need to break into pieces to be built up again, and it hurts terribly. It’s part of being human. We can adjust to anything, but in order to adapt, we need to change our current state of mind.
That's what the life crises are all about. Their function is to change us and prepare us for the upcoming events. Adolescent crisis prepares us for independence and new responsibilities, and middle age crisis prepares us for new challenges the mature adulthood brings. Experiencing pain through a crisis is an inevitable part of attaining inner peace and happiness.
But, no matter what kind of problem we are dealing with right now and how old we are, there is one thing that always troubles us subconsciously – the issues we experienced as kids. Our inner child is always there following us, and it influences the way we think and act. We carry baggage from our childhood, because of issues that were left unresolved. Those traumas keep blocking us from thinking straight while dealing with our current problems. To move on, we need to develop the courage to confront them.
Here are 4 ways on how you can heal your inner child. And prepare yourself, because they are daring. But I’m sure you are capable of handling them.
Speak to Your Inner Child
Try to imagine yourself at a certain age in your childhood and imagine having a conversation with that kid. Remember what your hopes and fears were back then and start talking about it. Acknowledge its presence.
Tell it that everything is going to be alright. Use words of kindness, like “I love you,” “I hear you,” “I understand.”
Tell her or him that you will protect it from every danger and that you will not let anyone hurt it. (1)
Embark on a Visualization Journey
Going back in time and reexperiencing the things that hurt you is one of the best ways to confront your traumas. But before doing that, you need to create a safe place for yourself.
Start by relaxing your body and mind and breathing deeply. Once you feel like you are in a comfortable and safe place, embark on a journey to your past. There are many inner child healing visualization scripts that can support you connect to your “younger and more vulnerable parts”. After remembering your past, you will have a chance to gain a deeper understanding of your situation and develop a powerful sense of compassion for yourself. You might even remember something that you knew before the hurt happened but because of the damage of trauma you abruptly forgotten.
For me, as my mother got seriously sick when I was 5, I managed to forget something that I knew and felt before when I was a baby. I forgot that I was unconditionally loved and cared for by my mother. Only a few months ago I managed to remember this by following a guided visualization by Tony Robins that he uses during his famous events called “Date with Destiny”. This experience helped me heal the pain and supported me to move further in life.
As someone who has done this exercise, I have a tip for you. Make sure that your visualizations are done gently and safely. To ensure this you can ask someone to lead you, possibly a professional therapist.
Forgive Your Inner Child
The guilt and regret that our inner child carries can be driving forces that can lead us in making decisions in life (2).
As a kid, I was a much better student than my older brother. I was just a true nerd, an introvert, and my brother was a socially confident extrovert who loved sports. We were both good kids. But, my dad was constantly comparing the two us and putting me first because of my good grades. At the end of a school year, he would give a speech about how my brother was not good enough cause he wasn’t like me.
I always felt like it was unfair and felt guilty that my good grades were making him miserable. I loved my brother more than anything, and I wished for worse grades so that he can feel better about himself. When he was punished, I would keep him company. Over the years my inner child held on that guilt and I kept undermining myself, avoiding success, because I was afraid that other people would hate me if I attain it.
Now, of course, I understand that it wasn't my fault, so I forgave myself and stopped blocking myself from achieving what I want. If I didn’t go back to do this I would still be playing small and not serving the World by doing so.
Since our inner kid feels so flawed, it needs to cover itself up in a false version of self. It’s afraid that other people will notice how flawed it is. After a while, it starts identifying itself with “a mask” socially appropriate “image” while leaving the real self behind.
The true self becomes isolated and lonely. The only way for the true self to “shine through” and unravel is by removing all those layers of protective defence.
By acknowledging the guilt, loneliness and hurt we feel, and can stop being embarrassed and ashamed and by doing so show up in the world as we truly are. In our full glory. We can give the voice to our inner child and empower it. It can finally come out of hiding, and we can make peace with it, we can love what is. (3)
Dare to Heal and Become Whole
Going through a grieving process and excepting your inner child, no matter how hurtful the things that it feels are, is necessary to be comfortable in your own skin.
Forgive yourself and don’t be embarrassed about your actions. Speak to your inner child kindly, nurture it like it’s your best friend. Tell it that you understand the suffering it went through.
One of the techniques that you could do is a visualization process. It helps you imagine a safe place and go through some rough experiences from the past to resolve them.
Protect your inner child, be daring to face all troubles your inner kid is bothered by. Face your demons and they will disappear. Eventually, you will come out on the other side and make peace with your inner self.
To truly love your Inner Child may require a concerted effort over a long period of time. A great tool to help you along with that goal daily is COMPASS. It's the daily dose of self-awareness you need to comfort and nurture that inner child. It is the guide that can take you gently to the edges of your comfort zone and then gently nudge you to explore what's on the other side. Love yourself, love your inner child. Try COMPASS here.