We all have our Life Story, or as the Transactional Analysis calls it a- Life Script. Some stories are pre-dominantly happy, some sad, some tragic and some magic- and that’s all ok. Things are ok, as long as we have the story instead of the other way around.
Surprisingly, it turns out that a lot of us have it the other way around, so in that case the story has us. This means that the past events and our interpretation, experience and memories of them are running our lives and shaping our future. This all happens on a subconscious level where ‘early decisions, made unconsciously, determine how life shall be lived'
Stepping Out of the Your Story
As humans, we are “demons” for getting stuck in life and settling for experiences that are deeply unsatisfying. We get no satisfaction what so ever and still choose to stay in “ unhappy” places (work, relationships, friendships, lifestyle, etc). But why? Because it feels familiar, it is within our comfort zone and is the only way we experienced life before. Meaning it fits well with the “internal script” we are following every day.
Depending on our histories our stories can differ greatly. They can include poverty, illness, powerlessness, limitation, neglect, abuse but also bravery, success, great talent, love and incredible kindness. The content of our story does not matter so much, what matters is the answer to the following questions:
Is your story serving you well? Is it creating a life that works for you? Does it bring you vitality, confidence, self-love and acceptance? Does it enable you to tap into your highest potential and deepest passion ?
If the answer is yes, then I congratulate you and invite you to stop wasting your time with this article and go celebrating your existence, I am sure that you know how to do it. Otherwise please continue reading and focus on all the wonderful possibilities that might open up to you once you decide to change your story.
Change your Story, Change Your Life
As the famous Titan of Self-Development Coach Tony Robins claims:
“We can change our lives. We can do, have, and be exactly what we wish.” – Tony Robbins
If this quote sounds to you like a line from a Disney movie with at least 2 princesses as main characters, that has a good ring to it, but is total nonsense- then you likely didn’t meet Tony before!
This is a man who Oprah Winfrey calls “Superhuman” and whom many influential people like Mother Teresa (this isn’t even a joke) had as a Life Coach at some stage of their life. Tony Robins developed his personality and gained huge professional success exactly on this belief that we can change our lives by overcoming our current story.
What we tell ourselves is what we believe.
This means that focusing on changing our external circumstances such as getting a new car, moving to a bigger city, getting another dog/cat are very likely going to, after a while, leave us feeling pretty much the same. When the initial excitement regarding the presence of a new object, creature or a person in our life dims down we pretty soon go back to our own thoughts and patterns.
This is why it is crucial to try out these “3 Brave Ways to Challenge your “Story”” so you can overcome the patterns from the past that are running your life and bringing you experiences you don’t want to have anymore.
There are many different “paths to liberation” from ones past, and this article we will focus on 3 ways that require your Bravery and Honesty.
1. Re-examine your story.
By discovering your life script, you will have a chance to see “what you are dealing with”, and what “subconscious parts of you” need your attention. Remember your early decisions made unconsciously are the driving force for the decisions you make every day. This means that it will require some time and self-reflection before you are able to “get to the bottom” of the most persistent patterns you created over the decades of your life so you can overcome them.
Some bravest questions you can ask yourself in order to re-examine your story are:
How do you feel about yourself?
What do you think about the World? Others?
What did your parents teach you about: You? Life? Death? Love? Sex? Money?
What were some of the major ¨DO´S¨ that you learned throughout your life?
What were some of the major ¨DON'TS¨ that you learned and accepted?
What is one important decision you made when you were little?
What are you doing now to make your ideal life become a reality?
Recognize how some of the things you think and do in your life now stem from the times when you were not able to have your own opinion so you needed to adopt and accept what other thought or wanted.
From today you can let go of what happened. Let the past be where it belongs- in the past.
2. Re-define your story.
The old story is old news, and you have probably got sick and tired from it by now. If not I bet some of the people in your life (friends, colleagues, your loved ones..) might have. If in doubt, why not go on and ask them?
Or maybe you are one of those people, like I was few years ago, that change friends frequently, so that the story stands a chance to survive and be told over and over again still raising interest of the audience?
If you recognize yourself in this it is time to end your romance with the past and gently let go of the need to go through life like a broken record. Once we allow ourselves to let go of the past stories, we become able to create new ones. This is where the difference is found between a victim and a conscious creator.
So how do you re-design your story?
-take a close look at the burdens you are caring from your past and decide to let them go, rather than victimize about all the bad things that happened to you
-open your mind and create new opportunities in your life, rather than complain about something being impossible or not fair
– think what you didn't think before and therefore do what you didn't do before
-develop your authenticity and dare to express yourself as fully as possible
-nurture and expand your sense of choice in life, oversee your destiny
3. Re-design your story.
This is the fun part.
After you cleared away the “dust of the past times” this moment, now, is a chance for a blank page in your “Book of Life” -where you can re-write your own story from scratch.
A fresh start.
All it takes is a notebook or a piece of paper and the willingness to closely look back at all the stages of your development, including major events and people that shaped them. When looking back I want you to find only positive and fortunate stuff that happened to you. That is an important rule. While you are writing this down, observe how you feel about this new history.
To some this task may come easy while others might struggle. No matter what your experience is please keep going until you have at least 8 milestones in your life that were supportive, enriching or enjoyable.
This does not mean we should forget all the trauma and the struggle we experienced in our lives. Those “shadows” are equality important, even fundamental parts of who we are. Still we shouldn’t let them define us and drag us down in life.
Another powerful Self-Development Guru Robin Sharma often says:
“What we focus on grows”
That is why the positivity behind your new, re-designed story will drive more fortune in your life making it a gateway to a Braver, Better and Happier Future.
(Read this next: 3 Reasons Why I Choose to Be Vulnerable)
I loved this exercise! At the end of this 30 days – tho it is taking me longer – I will have quite a book. As I write i imagine my children reading this after my death and going “Oooohhhh”
Just thinking about this, and omitting the negatives, brings joy to my heart! Can’t wait to write it down. Thank you.
Lots of amazing sustainable thoughts to chew on! Thank you!
I am in major transformational mode right now, its scary exciting stuff. Sometimes it doesn’t feel because of my patterns that Im so use to and I plug forward with the same determination that removed me from a not so great beginning. The end looks very shiny!
I absolutely love this but it is waayyyy harder than I thought it would be!
Love this. I’m on day 7, and part of my challenge was to find a job. Already 2 interviews, and making great headway into uncluttering my mind and home and putting my positive energy back into play. Beginning to feel like old me and moving the garbage out!
I am gradually leaving a negative life script and reaching out to embrace new chapters that excite, encourage and energise me. Thank you for invaluable insights and guidance which can enable me to become a person I choose to be……engaging in experiences with an open heart and mind and a loving core. It is liberating!
What a wonderful article. There are so many positive things i can focus on. So many instances where i can see how GOD was and is taking care of me and my family. The opportunities = the detours from what or who i thought i wanted and today having and being more than i ever thought possible. Thank you Brave challenge! Thanks to all those who are doing it also.
Thanks for sending this article. Right away I thought of journal entries to make and I realized how entrenched my flight syndrome was, going way back to the young me where it was easier to hide than ask for what I needed. If that makes sense? There has been a big difference in my life path since I stood up 5 years ago and said I am worthy of love, respect and nourishing. My life hasn’t been perfect since but I like the new me and my unfolding story. It’s been a blast so far!
Being conscious makes me aware of good or not-good stuff. I’ve rather prefer good ones!
I’m sure I probably need to dig deeper, but I’ve always been pretty good at seeing the silver lining in most of my life experiences. I have a firm belief that everything in life happens for a reason, even if you don’t know right away what that reason is. And I’ve had some tough experiences. My mom died when I was 15. My first pregnancy was twins and my 1 daughter died at 9 days old. Looking back, I know that my mom died in order to give me the strength to carry on when I lost one child but still had another to take care of. I’m sure if both girls had survived, I wouldn’t have wanted another child and then my son would not have been born. I’m sure he’s alive for a reason, even if I don’t know what his future holds. I could go on and on. So right now, I’m struggling with various areas of my life that I would truly like to improve on, but I’m not sure how to challenge my story. Am I missing something? Any words of wisdom to help me dig deeper would be greatly appreciated.