Watch today's going deeper session here:
https://vimeo.com/313675970
What have you noticed since yesterday's going deeper section?
Perhaps, we’ve been drinking the kool-aid and haven’t even noticed because we have been bathing in it.
The trap of “Better, Skinnier, Prettier” (or for others the words may be “Better, Stronger, More Successful”) is a cultural myth that has been marketed, packaged, and sold to you and nearly everyone you have ever met.
This spell of inadequacy assumes that in order to be worthy, to be happy, to be loved and admired, we must meet certain external criteria before that happens.
As mentioned yesterday, this place of “not feeling like enough” in some fundamental way is an extremely painful place to be. So when we feel the pain of inadequacy, we often rush into action. We buy that new weight-loss program, get rich quick scheme or the latest technology or fashion product. We start overthinking and overanalyzing our problems. Life feels personal, constricted, and often frustrating. We take on compulsive behaviors. As we talked about yesterday, we should ourselves to death!
We are under the illusion that we would feel drastically or even permanently better about ourselves, if only we lost the weight, so we live in a state of low-level anxiety obsessing about what or what not to eat, what to wear or not wear.
We are the under the illusion that we would feel more secure if only we were further along in our career, so we set spend exorbitant amounts of money on degrees and set stringent financial budgets and goals.
We are under the illusion that our sense of confidence comes for the clothes we buy, the cars we drive, the house we purchase, or the title on our business card.
We are under the illusion that feeling attractive, worthy, or loved comes from the attention and affections of others, so we sext, post provocative photos, dawn the makeup and high heels, or have unsafe sex with countless partners.
We buy into the idea that is not ok to experience negative emotions…that we are not ok…so we think we should be happier and less stressed out in general, so we drink alcohol, take drugs, shop, gamble, or become addicted to self-improvement books and techniques in an attempt to relax, be happy, and get some “stress relief.”
There is one huge problem with this approach.
It is not in alignment with reality. It is not a logical model of how human beings experience their worlds. (Remember what we learned last week?)
Regardless of our circumstances, whether we meet future goals or not, we can't get out of being human. By that I mean, we will have moments of frustration, insecurity, sadness, fear, and anxiety no matter what we do because these sensations come with the turf of being human. We are built to experience a vast range of emotions, from the moment we were born until our dying day.
Put simply if external things or achieving goals could cause a lasting feeling, why are so many successful people unhappy?
Haven't you ever read a story about a supermodel at the top of her field, who still has low self-esteem and an eating disorder?
Have you ever heard about a successful business person, who has climbed the corporate ladder, only to become addicted to cocaine and feel lonely and anxious much of the time? Or what about the super mom who from social media, looks like she has the perfect life: the perfect family, a successful career woman, and a happy marriage, but cries herself to sleep at night from exhaustion, depression, and burnout?
What is it to be enough?
How does the experience of enough come to pass? Is there something further to see about the spell of inadequacy and how that shows up in your life?