The 4 Patterns that Lead to Relational Ruin
Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist who became famous for predicting with 90% accuracy whether or not a couple would divorce after listening to that couple for 5 minutes, identified 4 patterns which often contribute to divorce. All of these are rooted in misunderstanding where our feelings come from and involve judgement, insecurity, and the compulsion to defend one's ego. They are criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling (ie. giving the silent treatment), and contempt.
Contempt is most indicative of divorce and is when a person takes on an “I'm better than you” attitude and constantly disrespects or puts down their partner. It is fueled by long-building negative thought patterns. This is the opposite of being in a state of flow and will not return a sense of goodwill, love, and good rapport to the relationship.
REFERENCES
“Marriage and Couples.” The Gottman Institute, www.gottman.com/about/research/couples/.