UNBROKEN – DEEP DIVE
Definition of insecure thought:
Imagining we are fundamentally inadequate in some fundamental way. This leads to a whole host of things such as depression, anxiety, unhealthy relationships, substance abuse, and sometimes other defensive mechanisms such as narcissism. (Remember what we learned about shame a few days ago?)
Definition of secure thought:
Aware of and compassionate towards our humanness and thus unthreatened when any perceived shortcomings or negative thoughts, feelings, and sensations arise. This often leads to the experience of resilience, deeper connection with others, and genuine compassion and self-esteem.
Expanding awareness exercise.
I am not going to ask you to deny any painful experiences you have had so far. What I am asking is for you to expand your awareness to include not only your own experience, but to start observing human beings as if they are an alien species you aren't familiar with, a science experiment of sorts. Remember what we learned about human beings last week? Humans are subjective and biased, but also curious and built for creative insight.
I have heard variations of the same theme hundreds of times:
- I am not thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, confident enough.
- I am too anxious, depressed, old, messed up.
- I am too much for other people. They can't handle me. I always push people away. You don't understand, I am bipolar. I have treatment-resistant depression. I am a lost cause, incurable.
- I am afraid I will fail.
- I guess I am just unlovable.
- I feel like an outsider, that everyone else “gets life” besides me.
- I feel alone. No one understands me. I don't belong.
- I am not worthy of being happy. I am not worthy of love.
All of the above phrases are preceded by an insecure thought.
Taking these insecure thoughts seriously only feeds into what we have been talking about all week: the spell of inadequacy.
While all humans feel ashamed of weakness and afraid of rejection, our Western culture is a breeding ground for the kind of shame and self-hatred the Dalai Lama couldn't comprehend. – Dr. Tara Brach
The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of not belonging. – Mother Teresa