All of what is in the title has happened to me in the last 90 days.
No joke. The business I started with my brother Matt is called Intention Inspired. You may have heard of it? He keeps telling me I need to share my story. I’ve wanted to, but I haven’t for some reason. Then I realized… that’s… actually… part of my story! To be honest, I wouldn’t be posting this if I hadn’t committed to it in The 30-Day Brave Challenge. So here goes… cringe. I can feel those butterflies in my tummy going crazy!!!
I don’t know why, but posting things online scares the shit out of me! For real. I can write something just fine, then I get super nervous as I think about posting it and then delete it. Sometimes I save it to my desktop. I’ll say to myself “I’ll get to that later”. That’s fear getting the best of me. Seems pretty stupid, but hey, it’s real.
I think it’s because you’re putting yourself out there for the world to see, accept/reject, mock praise or ridicule when you post online. I’ve always been a semi-private person, plus I like to keep the stereotypical image up that ‘everything is fine’ even if all hell is breaking loose. You don’t want mom to worry you know? When you write about what’s REALLY going on, you expose the fact that everything’s NOT fine! Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of… my ego. That’s lame, but makes more sense than any other alternative I can think of. I’ve been protecting my ego at the expense of myself… ugh.
I think that’s one reason why I’ve been an alcoholic for about 15 years. Just writing that on paper makes me cringe and a little sick to my stomach. Like I’m a failure as a human being. I don’t know why I’m such a drama queen to myself!!! But the only one that really knew I had a bitchin drinking problem was my wife Melissa (except probably a lot of people who just never told me they knew or had the same problem. Plus I’m pretty damn good at hiding things… ultimately to my detriment. But good for birthdays and anniversaries :-p).
She’s loved me through every step of the way without judgment. I’m so grateful for her. She didn’t try and change me or put ultimatums on me. She just loved me. I know she didn’t love me blacking out and waking up in the driveway. She didn’t love me saying incredibly nasty spiteful things that I couldn’t remember in the morning. Thank God I am not a violent drunk. I could’ve been a monster. I know she didn’t love me reeking of booze in the morning when I was heading off to work or driving myself home because I ‘only had a few’. I should probably be dead. Thank you, God for sparing myself and others from my stupidity.
I think it is because of this I really hesitate to share my story when Matt encourages me to do so. Who wants to hear from a guy like that? We want to hear from Stephen Curry (well maybe not lately) Oprah and Anthony Robbins right? Not a recovering drunk. Just months ago I seemed to have it all figured out according to many of my friends and family. I had the American dream. Corporate big shot job, stay at home wife, kids, money, homes, cars etc… But I felt like the façade would all come crashing down if I put out the truth. And you know what? It is… The façade is crashing down all around me. But you know what else? I’m still alive and every day I feel freer and more empowered! My life continues to improve every single day.
No one puts themselves out there more that I know of than my brother Matt Prindle. He’s amazing. He’s my partner at Intention Inspired and is the one that keeps encouraging me to write. “Just START” he always says. I love him for that. It’s inspiring and encouraging. He wants me to tell my story. I know I’ll never be able to tell it quite like him (you really should check out his Youtube), but I’m finally taking his advice and STARTING!!!
That has been the game changer for me… Just starting… I finally just said “F*** it” and took some ACTION in spite of my ego’s pull to keep everything as is. It wanted me to keep the suit on and “Be somebody”. It wanted me to have a snazzy title on my business card, take fancy vacations and live in a penthouse downtown. It prevented me from true honesty and self-awareness. It kept me blinded to protect itself. That’s not really me.
So, I quit my job (although I was technically fired) and became a nobody. Then… I just “started”. I started to talk to me again (like I used to when I was a kid). I started to like me again. I started to realize that I matter and that the best way to take care of those around me was to take care of myself. The blind don’t lead the blind. Essentially, I started making time for the things that matter. Like these two:
I now have time in the middle of the day to have a picnic with them ‘just because’ or go on a walk or bike ride. I started making little memories that will last a lifetime.
The more I “started” doing things, the more “starting” snowballed. I started getting more physically active and caring about what I put in my body. I started eating healthier. I started sleeping better. I soon realized that I was still drinking heavily everyday out of habit and not because I really wanted to or felt the need to. I had used it as a stress coping mechanism and sleep aid for years, but now I started to see things differently. So I started a new habit and replaced drinking with it and been sober ever since. I’ll write more about that specific journey in another article.
I think you get what I’m saying here. START! Matt’s right. It works. I’m living proof. I’ve finally started to share my story just like Laura who was Brave Enough to Share. It feels incredible to get it out there after I get over the fear of pushing the button! And I know that in some way it will make a difference in someone’s life. If it only helps one person… mission accomplished. I started for a reason. You’re here reading this. Hallelujah.
What do you need to start? I’ll tell you what I’d recommend. Take the 30-Day Brave Challenge. All you have to do is put your name, email and simple goal down. Click the button and you’ve started!!! That in itself is a win. Then from there watch the rest unfold as you join a powerful group of people who have made the same choice to START. START truly living today. START the Brave Challenge! Ok… Ok… I’ll get off my soap box. I just get really pumped up about this!!!
As for me, I’ll keep sharing my story. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
Hey there! Many of the things you said ring true from my own journey. I know you don’t know me and I know my being proud of you doesn’t (or shouldn’t) mean jack, because you being proud of you is what matters. But for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. Making a decision to be conscious in a world that encourages otherwise is not easy. Not only is it not easy, but for me, it was frightening, painful, and at times, overwhelming. It’s inspiring to see others take that leap, and know that this journey is not mine alone. I believe there are a great many people who have found themselves in the same, yet unique to them, circumstances. Dante’s Divine Comedy begins with; “Midway upon the journey of our life, I found myself within a forest dark, for the straightforward path had been lost.” I read once that his use of the word “our” in describing the journey is to imply it is humanity’s jouney, not limited to an individual. I believe that is poignant in that although we are responsible for the lives we create, many of our beliefs and priorities are adopted from what we are… Read more »
Congratulations Ebin! Putting yourself out there is a very brave thing to do! When I ‘exposed’ ALL my demons with all honesty to myself it was the most powerful and liberating thing I ever did in my life. Hell, facing yourself and all your deamons head on is the hardest thing any one of us has to do in this lifetime! But it’s so rewarding! No more judging yourself, no more fear of being judged, no more dishonesty and shadiness… just straight forward honesty, clarity and sincerity with yourself and with others. When I stopped hiding all those skeletons in the closet, confronted each and every one of them, worked with them to forgive and heal myself and set them free, it only left room to start over again and begin filling my life with what really matters! I confronted my own worst enemy, myself, and learned to love myself, made peace with myself and God. I’m not saying I rid myself of my demons for ever, I can’t, they will always be part of me. I simply stopped resisting and avoiding them, I learned to control them, love them and embrace them when needed, as if it weren’t for… Read more »
Wow! This is absolutely inspiring! Thank you for your honesty because I feel totally empowered by it!
I have recently come to the same decision that I ‘was’ a closet alcoholic! I think the best thing for me so far is getting to the point of admitting it! There is definitely something empowering about bringing things out into the open. Those hidden things that held me back loose their power when I do.
James 5:16 “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”
I know the word ‘sins’ here refers to us missing the mark! I knew deep down inside me that every time I took a drink I lost my ability to be in control of my drinking. I was “missing the mark” of being all I could be. I’ve never had a proud moment when I was drinking. Actually the opposite is true!
Hey Ebin,
Congratulations! Your journey is inspiring, and it is just beginning. It’s great to see that you are beginning to recover yourself and live authentically. The path has many ups and downs, but it is worth it. I look forward to the 30 Days of Brave, which I have just joined.
Great story Ebin… the fact that you are brave enough to share it. As a former addict myself, I can relate. Former addict means that things not longer rule my life. Jesus Christ… who is my life is now ‘Ruler in Chief”! This does not mean perfection, but it means FREEDOM! So thanks for sharing.
Almost a year ago I was a drunk loser leeching off of whomever would let me. I would barely hang onto jobs here and there. 32 years old and living back at my parents house. Until I got a dui. I quit drinking and using anything that would alter my perception. I started working out and eating healthy. I discovered painting. I got a job and I’m working recovery. I’m at the point in my life where I’m standing on the edge of the quit my job cliff. It doesn’t make me happy and I believe it has served it’s purpose in my recovery. Reading your story has helped solidify in my mind moreso that I should take the leap and start working with my fiance and start creating our future. I know I will be more stressed out but I will be more fulfilled. Thank you for sharing your inspirational story with the world. More people should share what a beautiful thing sobriety is and how amazing life can be when you truly live it.
Thank you so much for sharing your story
You have inspired me
Much love to you and your family
My life has been swirling with negative echoes while looking for an anchor. I am the anchor. Giving me a base of confidence and not the depths of pain by not living in the past. Being a survivor of emotional neglect and psychological abuse. I am tired of living behind a fake facade doing my best to divorce myself from my story that is not all bad. It is time to accept the sadness to propel me forward and move on regardless what others think. It is not a reason, to not, live my life fully. It is never too late to embrace my gifts and move forward. I have incredible strength, as my history proves, it is now time to eject the self doubt. While embracing the true gifts in my life that matter to me. I am bright, intelligent and have much too offer.
So inspired by your story Ebin, even though I don’t know you I’m proud of you! I have a son who has struggled with drug and alcohol addiction for over 15 years and he is right now trying very hard and doing well, I have encouraged him to start the Brave Challange I know it would inspire him to be brave and keep moving forward with a healthy life! Thank you for sharing and by the way your two girls are sooooo adorable, enjoy them as they will be teenagers talking about going off to college before you know it. ☺️
Thank you. Thank you for being real. Thank you for starting. I am a little numb as to what to say, as your story really made me think. My take away is that Every decision you make is forever. I never thought of things like that. It has definitely gave me something to consider.