Love can seem overused and esoteric…just what is we are trying to nail down by using the world “love” anyways? Viewing love as an ability that you can cultivate helps some people make it more concrete and thus, manifest in their lives more consistently.
Lovingkindness meditation provides one pathway to expanding the self and the experience of love and kindness.
Find a cozy space and play today's lovingkindness meditation below:
Lovingkindness Meditation
- Begin by sitting or lying comfortably. You can close your eyes or leave them open. If you are new to meditation, set a timer between 7 and 10 minutes. Now, choose 3 phrases that express your deepest desires, that which you want for yourself. Examples: “May I be happy. May I be healthy, May I live with ease.” or “May I be safe. May I be peaceful. May I be free from pain.”
- Repeat the phrases with attention. Don't try to manufacture a feeling of love or compassion, bring your whole awareness to each statement and be real with the sensations you are experiencing.
- Move on to someone who represents what love is for you. It may have been someone who has helped you in the past or someone who inspires you now, a parent, a lover, a child. Imagine their warm presence, that they are extending their deepest desires for you as they proclaim: “May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be free from pain.”
- After a few minutes, move on to a friend and extend these wishes to them.
Now imagine you are surrounded by family and friends, all who have loved you. They are all sending wishes for your happiness, health, and wellbeing.
Offer lovingkindness to a neutral person, someone you don't have strong feelings for either way such as a waitress, flight attendant, bank teller, grocery clerk, etc. You and this person are alike in the desire to have a good life. - Now, offer lovingkindness toward a person with whom you have had mild difficulty with. Notice any change in sensation in your body, it is common to feel tense: resentment, anger, righteousness, but do not judge yourself for this. Return your attention to the mantra: “Just I wish to, may you also live with happiness, health, and be free of pain. “
- Now, expand your awareness of the whole globe, send warm wishes to all living beings, who like you. Just want to be happy, healthy, and live with ease. They just wish to survive and thrive. “Just I wish to, may you also live with happiness, health, and be free of pain.”
Note: A common resistance is that people think of love as limited and thus do not want to extend love indiscriminately and freely like this. They are afraid to “use up” all their love. Furthermore, that fearful voice links being loving to others as being a pushover.
Happily, in forty years of practicing and teaching lovingkindness, I've discovered that instead of turning us into pushovers who lack clear boundaries, this practice makes us stronger, so that we live more in tune with our deepest values.
– Sharon Salzberg
This practice is not about:
- Confessing your love to strangers on the street or getting personal with everyone you meet.
- Agreeing with everything another person says or does.
- Sacrificing your values, being taken advantage of, or not standing up for yourself.
This exercise and practice is primarily an internal process. The purpose is to cultivate love and compassion within your own heart and mind.