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Warriors. Braveheart. Knights. Merida from the animated Disney movie, with flaming red hair and fierce eyes. There are certain images that come to mind when we think of the word โbrave.โ These are the cultural references weโve come to believe represent heroism, bravery.
According to Merriam-Webster, bravery is, โMental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficult.โ Certainly, this seems to align with image of riding into battle on horseback, arrows whizzing by, heavy armor clanking.
But there are other kinds of bravery, too, subtler kinds that are just as fierce; bravery that shows itself in the most unlikely places, at the most unlikely times. This is the bravery of living into the fullest expression of your own life.
Unlikely Places
The New Definition of Bravery
I was in the car with my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. Our year and a half together was erratic, dotted with highs and lows. My memories of the highs โ so much fun! So much laughter! โ made it harder to say the words I knew we both needed me to say. I swallowed, picking at the hem of my shirt. It was now or never.
โListen, I have something to tell you. Itโs not easyโฆ butโฆ I think weโre better as friends. Iโฆ I think we should break up.โ
The pain was clear on both our faces. He took a moment to let the words hang, trembling in the air between us. Finally, glancing away from the road to meet my gaze, he sighed. โWow, Laura. Youโre really brave.โ
It was the last thing Iโd expected from the person whose heart Iโd just broken. Now, five years later, that moment still stands out as one of my bravest. It was a time when I was honest with myself, speaking from my heart, even though it was one of the hardest things Iโd done.
If I were to define bravery, Iโd say itโs the act of listening deeply to oneself and honoring our own inner wisdom and intuition. Itโs being able to say NO just as much as it is saying YES to certain aspects of life.
Bravery is speaking our truth, even if others disagree. Itโs standing up for those who are unable to defend themselves because we know itโs right. If weโre pressured to do something we think we โshouldโ do, by others or ourselves, bravery is choosing to say โno.โ
True bravery is even more frightening than jumping out of an airplane. Itโs standing up for our own authenticity, above all else. And if weโre to be brave, there are certain things weโre going to have to learn to embraceโฆ and let go of.
Your Wisdom
Itโs always there
โListen with your heart, you will understand.โ Grandmother Willow from Pocahontas isnโt just a sassy, snappy old tree. She has her own wisdom as she tries to guide her granddaughter towards the path of the heart.
You know that small voice of reason? The one that shyly pipes up when youโre faced with a hard decision? How often do we push that voice away, telling it to โsuck it upโ or โjust do it already; everyone else is.โ True bravery isnโt pushing that voice away. Itโs listening to it and following the wisdom it shares.
For example, I admire people who listen to their own bodies. The ones who do their stretches in the morning because it gets them energized for the day; the ones whoโve given up coffee because they donโt like the midafternoon crash; the ones who arenโt afraid to go to bed early so they can feel refreshed the next day.
It takes a certain level of awareness, self-love, even respect to bravely listen to our own inner wisdom and intuition, especially if the voices around us are saying something different.
Relationships
Some Stay, Some Go
Letโs be honest: sometimes we donโt act bravely because we fear judgment.
What will others think if I break up with my boyfriend when I know they really like him?
I know everyone is going to college, but it doesnโt feel right for me โ will everyone think Iโm a failure?
The reality is, some relationships might not survive our bravery. We all know which relationships: the ones that leave us exhausted after weโve bent over backwards trying to become someone else for their sake. The ones that make us feel like weโre stuffing our square peg into a round hole. Or the ones where the only thing weโve bonded over is complaining and negativity.
Not to sound harsh, but those relationships will only get in the way of your journey towards a more authentic you. You might not be able to avoid certain relationships โ perhaps this person is in your immediate family, or at work โ but ask yourself how you can limit your interactions with these individuals.
Find the people who truly support your growth. Let them embrace you. You might even tell them how they might best support you. Bravery isnโt like turning on a light switch. It takes practice, and itโs important to have community beside you, cheering you on.
Embracing Unpredictability
Expect the Unexpected
Bravery scares us because we donโt know what will happen. Will people stand by us? Will we regret our choices? Can we stand up and say, โThis is who I am,โ no matter what criticism we receive?
Uncertainty is a part of life. We canโt know how things will go, how people will react, even how weโll feel from one day to the next. Instead of avoiding unpredictability, creating a life with as much control as possible, what would it look like if we leaned into the unknown?
Not only is that an act of bravery in and of itself, itโs a key part of being brave. To some extent, we need to let go of our expectations, trusting that we have the capacities to make it through any scenario, so long as we fight for who we are and whatโs right.
You know that experience of getting worked up before a conversation even happens? You think of the worst possible outcome, knowing it will go horribly. In the end, itโs never as bad as you think, is it?
Itโs useful to remember that we tend to think things will be far worse than they actually will be. Embracing uncertainty is not only easier than we think, but nothing can be thrown our way that wonโt make us stronger. If we willingly step into the unknown, we can take greater risks, seek greater adventures, and choose to love more deeply, others and ourselves. These are the greatest gifts bravery can offer.
Bravery might not always be the easiest choice but once we begin, there really is no other option. Once we start to see who we are inside, who our heart calls us to be, we canโt do anything but let that light shine to the outside, no matter what adversity we might encounter. Moreover, weโll be the example for everyone else whose heart is quietly calling to them: I have something to share with you.
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I went through a life changing situation a few years back and was so scared of what people would think of my decision. As predicted, I lost many friends (were they really my friends?) but it was the best decision I could have made and I am very happy and more confident because of it. What I found happened was that I taught my daughter it’s ok to stand up for yourself and your beliefs.
Thank you Laura!!
Thanks Laura. I so needed these words today. Very inspiring and you made me feel that a decision I recently made, and the words I put out to the universe were the right move on my path to self. I lost my brother in 1997 and think about him every day, and also live my life as you do. It is so short and goes by so fast. Thank you and I look forward to more of your insight and wisdom and wonderful words.
This had a lot of good advice and some was exactly what I needed to hear.
I am going to do all I can to remember these words. The part about negative relationships having to be let go really gave me strength to stick to my choices about some people in my life. I feel more confident in my decisions to seek more positive people and things in my life. I needed this. This made me stronger!
What a great topic! I really needed to hear those words. So often, I don’t stand up for myself because I’m afraid of being judged or belittled for taking a stand. For me, just saying that I disagree with someone, I feel, lays myself open to ridicule. I am trying to stand up for my beliefs without being confrontational. My feelings are important.
I am in tears right now because I think I have to be brave and say no to my sister today. I keep saying yes because I am afraid of what she will think and in particular I am afraid of how my gossipy aunts will have a field day with this one. Thanks for reminding me why I kept saying yes – fear of judgement. Time to put it aside.
I so agree…best of luck to you.
Thank you very much. That was wonderful.
This was absolutely inspiring, especially to someone who has lost friends in the past due to standing up for others. I always felt guilty thinking about how maybe what I did was the wrong thing but this reaffirmed and encouraged me to do so in the future.