healthy fear

You Can’t Escape Fear… But You Can Do This Instead!

11 min

We have all been there. That moment you can feel in the pit of your stomach. It’s THAT pit. YOU know the one I’m talking about.

We have all been there.

That moment you can feel in the pit of your stomach. It’s THAT pit.  YOU know the one I’m talking about.  The one a swarm of a thousand butterflies bursts out of your stomach causing a wave and rush of emotions to flood your body.  Their wings seem to flutter inside you so fiercely that all the air seems to be pushed out of your body.  It’s all you can do to gasp for air.  It’s all you can do to hold onto reality.  You’re just barely able to hold it together.  It seems to make time stand still for a brief moment.  It is incredibly ferocious, mind-bendingly powerful, totally and utterly unavoidable and inevitable for ALL human beings to experience…

 

FEAR

No one is immune to fear.  It bombards you when you feel like you need it the least. You’re about to give an oral presentation to a class, you’re about write a post in a thread that you know will stir things up but needs to be said, you’re about to post this post (I’m absolutely terrified of putting my writing out to the world!!! No joke), you’re about get on a plane, you’re about to take a final test, you’re about to ask someone out on a date, you’re about to start a race, you’re about to pick up a spider or a snake, you’re about to ask for the sale, you’re about to ask for a raise, you’re about to look over the edge of a tall building or cliff…  BAM!  Fear slaps you in the face saying “DON’T DO IT!!!!”

Sometimes that voice wins.  You back down and the butterflies start to slowly flutter away.  You feel relieved as it says “You have avoided what could have been a catastrophe! You really dodged a bullet there.”  Every time this happens, that voice of fear becomes stronger.   You become a little less brave without even realizing it. You feel safe now that the feeling is gone, but you can’t help but wonder… What if?

What if I would have done it?  What if I would have stepped up against that A-hole in the chatroom and told him to stop bullying that poor girl?  What if I did actually post this message into our blog?  What if I would have jumped off that bridge into the lake?  What if I would have just asked him or her out to the dance?  Maybe we’d be together now.  What if? What if? What if?  Do you really want to be asking yourself that question?  “What if” is always living in the past wondering what could have happened in a moment that will never change.  Your decisions are forever.  End of story.  You can’t make the exact same decision again.  It’s a different moment.  It’s right now.

Right now you are reading this sentence.  Right now you have already made a different decision.  You have decided to approach these moments with a different voice.  You have decided that you want to be brave.  The truth is, living bravely is not easy.  Courage is born from struggle.  It’s not a ‘one and done’ decision.  The only way to become more brave is to act bravely.  Moment by moment, choosing to act boldly.  This leads to moments like this:

 

“That was a moment that made me”

Chances are, that moment spoken about above was a moment of struggle.  A moment where the butterflies ran rampant, but were overcome.  Instead of letting that immense ball of energy called fear push you away from the brave choice, it was harnessed and used to propel you.  You didn’t let it defeat you, instead you let it FUEL you.  It actually made you stronger simply because you made a choice to take control of the fear.  That is powerful.  You have that power and ability inside you.  You are stronger than you know and the feats you are capable of accomplishing would blow your mind.  But how do you become that bold and courageous? It’s not like you just flip a switch.

Being Brave isn’t about becoming fearless. It’s about taking action even though you’re scared.

Fortunately for all of us, being brave is a habit. Like all habits, it can be learned!!!  It may seem daunting at first, but all habits start small. You don’t climb Mt. Everest by jumping to the top. You do it by putting one foot in front of the other. You do it by taking that next step and the step after that. Those simple steps you take culminate over time leading you those great moments. “Yeah, I did that” can replace “what if”. Your boldness will grow, people will be drawn to you and want to know what your secret is.

 

This is great Ebin… but How DO I get there?

Take our Brave Challenge!  If you really want to live more intentionally every day… a little braver every day… make a commitment to yourself. Your worth it and your future self WILL thank you. You know how we know? Because you’ll look back at past you after taking the challenge. You’ll see the transformation in the enchanted words you put down on the page. They will spring back to life and show you the lessons you’ve learned and how much you’ve grown! They will inspire you to do even more because YOU are INCREDIBLE! So make the commitment to yourself and invite some friends to join!

Cheers to you!!! You have already taken that next step just by reading this. The Brave Challenge is a simple yet powerful tool that will help inspire and challenge you to commit to a braver, bolder life. We look forward to hearing about your journey and meeting the person you become. The person you know you can be. Remember, it’s a journey. Not a destination. We’ll be right there with you. One step at a time. Join us now!  The movement is growing!  There are thousands and thousands of people ready to hold your hand and give you the encouragement you need along the way.

 

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22 thoughts on “You Can’t Escape Fear… But You Can Do This Instead!”

  1. I am 65 years old. I sit at my computer everyday and journal, meditate and try to work on how to conquer my fear. That sounds pretty strange since I should have learned how to by now. I am married, workedvc
    , raised my children, am a grandmother and now I am retired..much more between the lines but you get it.
    My struggle is self doubt and fear of what people think. I am afraid because I can’t seem to master these demons of mine and it gets harder as you get older.
    I want to write, I want to travel, I want to draw I want to make friends but I am frozen in fear. Thank you for being brave and posting this website. I am going to give it another shot at conquering these two devils of mine with the help of your site. I do have hope I can do it before I can’t anymore!

  2. Thank you Ebin. I live with fear and anxiety daily, but reading this passage has inspired me to reach beyond my fears and reach for my intentions. I don’t want to keep living in the “what if” and cheat myself out of a happier life.

    • Thank you Jerona! These words do nothing unless you give them your energy and allow them to grow in your life. I too will join you on the journey of avoiding the “what if” and steer to the “remember when”. We’ll see you along the journey 😉

  3. Choosing to be intentional about me, it’s certainly been uncomfortable, those first 30 days for me were rough more often than not, but they were about me, choosing me first, putting my needs first . Super hard for this mommy of 8. I got stuck, believing the lies that my dreams did not matter. That I needed to figure out how to be happy with “just” being a supportive wife and mother. Ebin you and Matt have created something beyond my comprehension here. I was about to give up my dreams, but the challenge popped up in one of my emails subcriptions. Oh..boy the timing of it all..definitely divine intervention! When I saw the FB ads popping up.. i said to my self this is getting big!! I’m excited & empowered to be on your train!! I AM BRAVE!!

    • Mary!!! So glad you were one of the first on the train! It’s been one heck of a ride. Over 50k people joining us on the Brave Challenge journey… wowza! We are overwhelmed just as much as you! We hope to create some intentional products soon too to aid in these wonderful journeys of ours. We’re working hard to try and make that happen. As for you, Mary, mother of 8… YES YOU ARE BRAVE!

  4. I now face my fears more than ever. Joining intention inspired was just what I needed to get that extra help and push. I was getting there but needed something to back me up. Like stabilisers I guess before I go it alone. Thankyou!

    • Yay! I’m right there with you! The greatest part of doing the Brave Challenge has been….. YOU!!! I’m not alone. I’m right there on the path beside you. Enjoy the journey. We’re honored to be a helping hand along yours 🙂

  5. Your words captured my thoughts exactly! So glad I found this challenge, or shall I say, it found me. ? What you put out there really does come back.

    I had made a decision to begin my own journey in this direction and BAM! this group was “suddenly” there. That was no accident. Intention and thought followed by action are everything. Thank you for being here. This is exactly what I needed to keep me moving forward!

  6. OMGoodness…this hit me right in the face. I go through my life saying, “I’m not afraid of anything,” until I am and it is so frustrating. I am recently divorced and I fear going places by myself. I fear driving to new areas of my own city. I want to be more involved in the things going on my my city, but I feel trapped sometimes in my home due to this fear. .There is absolutely no one that would go with me and I know I have to overcome this!!! I tell my self that I am an activist and post things on my wall that I believe in, but right no that’s all I can do. I truly want to overcome this fear!!! Thanks for listening.

    • Vernita- I feel you. Start small. Walk to the mailbox to get your mail. The next day, cross the street. The next day go to the end of the block. After awhile you’ll be across the city, state, country and globe! It’s just one foot in front of the other. Join us on the brave challenge and we’ll help gently push you out of that comfort zone. You’re not alone!

    • I felt the same way when I was getting a divorce and was fearful of everything as all decisions were made for me up to that point. Little by little I overcame some of my fears. I even bought my own home and drove across the country by myself. There are still a lot of things I’m fearful of but I’m proud of the tasks I am now accomplishing, that I would have never attempted when I was married.

  7. Thank you so much. This is exactly what i needed to read and hear to get me through today and hopefully the next 30 days and the rest of my life. Let me see where my baby steps will lead me.

    • Dorine- You don’t know how much this means to me! So excited that this struck a chord inside of you. There’s a great group of us like-minded people here to support you. Check out our FB group if you want to get plugged into them at a deeper level 😉

  8. Thank you Ebin. This was a joy to read. We think we are the only ones paralysed by fear, and this reminds us that bravery is not about fearlessness, but about acting in spite of, because of, the fear. Just over a week ago, I started a blog of my own writing and I spent days (and nights) agonizing over my first post, terrified of how it might be received or if it would be received at all! Once I did it, however, I realised that the most important thing was that I had done it. I now have to get to the next post, but hopefully each one will be easier than the last and that somewhere between the lines, magic will begin to happen. I’m writing from Ireland, by the way, so your message is spreading! Looking forward to reading and watching you and your brother as our journeys unfold together.

    • Ruth!!! Matt and I will have to visit you sometime soon. Our family is from the Scottish MacLeod family and we want to make a trip to see our homeland (never been).

      First off- So proud of you! We’re going through the same journey it sounds like. I am terrified of posting things online. The more personal/vulnerable the writing the more terrified. That just means the “hardest” posts are yet to come since I’ve been able to “battle some demons” doing our brave challenge.

      I too have noticed that posting becomes slightly easier the more you do it. But each time I’m still scared as hell. For some reason I don’t mind posting in these comments at all. It’s like our Brave Challenge journal daily conversations. Not scared of those at all. It’s when I am “publishing” an article. Mostly a mental thing, but it’s still real!

      My brother Matt helped me yesterday with a breakthrough on this. He said “Don’t think of it as posting/publishing something. Just think of it as ‘storing’ your article”. Genius. It flipped a switch in my brain. I’m going to turn into an online squirrel!

      Cheers to you today!!!

      • Ebin, you guys and your families are welcome here anytime! Put it up high on your bucket list and just do it! I hear you on all of the above and I agree completely about the personal / vulnerable posts being the ones that are the most terrifying. It was Mother’s Day here the weekend before last and one of my first posts was a piece about celebrating Mother’s Day with my mum who has Alzheimer’s and who no longer knows me. It was truly personal and I really wanted to put it out there, but I also really didn’t want to. Within two days, it had received 2,000 views and I was inundated with messages from people who had resonated with it. Lesson learned (again… sometimes I wonder how many times we need to learn the same lesson!) that people respond to what is real, to vulnerability, to flaws, to the heart worn on the sleeve unashamedly, to letting the mask drop. I think it’s why I was drawn to this journey with you two; you are real, you are figuring out the answers as you go along with the rest of us. That’s a great idea to take the pressure off by thinking of posting as just ‘storing’ articles – I’m going to try that! Have a great day there, and here’s to ‘storing’ lots of inspired posts 😉

        • Hey Ruth- Love the Mother’s Day story! That’s inspiring. My dad feels like he is entering into dimensia so I can feel you there. Last time I checked Matt and I are both real 🙂 although in my past I’ve put out a big front. It’s not worth it. Cheers to your ‘storing’! Mine’s going pretty well!

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