Want to know one of my secret keys to being strong and brave? It lies in being vulnerable. This is a mysterious paradox that many people overlook. Our society tells us that being vulnerable is weak or passive. But I'll tell you 3 reasons why I choose to be vulnerable and how vulnerability actually makes me strong and brave.
One tell-tale sign that someone is afraid is that they wear a hard shell around them for protection. Imagine a little dog whose bark is bigger than his bite. He barks because he's afraid, not because he's as tough as he'd like you to think.
Same goes for people. The more fear and weakness we have within us, the more defensive, strong-willed, and fierce we may be on the outside. This outer shell serves as a barrier, a boundary to protect us from the world. We think that if we can hide our fears and weaknesses from the world, we will become as strong as we desire- that others' perception of us and our outer shell is what makes us brave.
But the problem is, the more we wear a shield of armor around our hearts and our true feelings, the more we lose touch with that part of ourselves, too. We become so busy blocking others from seeing the tenderness inside us that we start to deny it and forget it's there.
We think that if we ignore fear it will disappear.
But it builds under the surface and lashes out in unexpected ways. We unknowingly create obstacles around opportunities and relationships because fear is secretly running the show from our shadows. We become disempowered. We sabotage our own success. (1)
The only way to get our true power back is to be vulnerable.
We've got to own our emotions before we can really start to steer the wheel on our journey. We have to get clear on what we feel so that we no longer block the path to our own success.
Vulnerability is the key to self-awareness and unlimited power. Here's 3 reasons why I choose to be vulnerable in my life:
1. Being vulnerable helps difficult emotions fade easily.
The more we hide from and deny our feelings, the more uncomfortable they become. We create resistance to the flow of emotions, which slows them down.
Imagine a hose with water passing through. The more open and smooth the hose, the easier it is for water to flow through. But if the hose gets a kink in it, the water gets stuck and the pressure starts to build. With enough pressure, the hose just might burst!
That's how we are with emotions. We are like the hose; emotions are like water.
If we open ourselves to experiencing the emotion, allowing it to flow through us without resistance, it passes as easily as it came.
But if we start to deny, fight, or resist the emotion, we create many kinks in the hose. After awhile, all of this blocked up emotion causes us to burst. Yikes!
So how do we stay open and let emotion pass through us effortlessly? Being vulnerable.
When you start to feel a fear or strong emotion coming on, sit with it. Breathe into it. Write it down and journal about it. Imagine opening yourself like a big, wide channel so that the emotion can pass through swiftly. This is the quickest way back to inner peace and unlimited power. (Try this meditation to help you clear out stuck emotions!)
2. Being vulnerable gives us authenticity, magnetism, and success.
Once we stop denying how we feel inside, we start to get to know the true authentic Self that lies within us. We learn about our fears and pain, but also our desires and dreams, our greatest assets and gifts.
Vulnerability allows us to dig deep within and discover the true essence that we are. We get to take a really good look at our inner workings and decipher what our strengths and weaknesses are.
We start to hear the voice of our hearts speaking clearly. And we follow it. (3)
This authenticity and purity of spirit is like a great, big energy magnet. People feel attracted to a powerful person who is REAL. And all our power lies in being real: in being who we truly are.
So vulnerability brings out our true selves, our soul power, and the world can feel it. This leads us to our life purpose, our greatest success, and our unlimited potential.
3. Being vulnerable makes us strong and brave.
This is the paradox I was talking about earlier. We are taught to believe that strength precedes vulnerability, that we have to be strong before we are safe enough to be soft. But this is a backwards way of seeing it.
It's as if we are waiting for the world to approve of us before we let down our guard.
But if we wait for someone else to make us feel safe and accepted before we open up and be our true selves, we'll be waiting forever.
No one else knows our fear. No one knows our pain. Only we know what we need to hear in order to feel safe. We have to provide that comfort for ourselves.
The only thing we are truly afraid of is our own fear, our own emotions. We are afraid that the world could break us, so we wear more armor.
But if we just go within and confront all of that emotion inside, all of those fears, there is nothing left to be afraid of. We've already dealt with the fear of rejection, and failure, and uncertainty. We've looked as these fears head on and allowed them to pass through us. And this is how we KNOW how strong we truly are.
After we have faced the fear and pain within us, we know that we can get through anything the world tosses our way. This is unlimited power. This is true strength and courage.
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At 54 I’m still not comfortable in my own skin Growing up I always felt like that square peg trying to fit into a round hole.. I’m not where I need to be but I’ve come a long ways I’m learning to embrace my individuality and celebrate my “Craziness” I still have a lot of vulnerability issues but most of those lie within the people I care about most I’m always looking for that approval .
I AM ENOUGH… working on connecting those words between my heart and my head.. really believing them
Thankyou for this. I’ve been living in my own personal prison in my mind. After experiencing such heartache and learning to communicate effectively.. it’s difficult when my heart still aches.. trying to be real and remain present while being vulnerable is hard….but choosing to remain and not shut down, is crucial in healing..still have a long way to go. Still hide my feelings a lot but I’m changing that a little at a time.
I remember as a little girl (preteenish) those were my exact beliefs. I preached that same message to all my friends and anyone who would listen. But then I had children and kept myself in a relationship that was very toxic to say the least and that changed. I’m grateful for you Gia and the rest of the team here for reminding me that at one point in time I instinctually knew the art of living. Everytime I read something here I have to remind myself ‘Candy life doesn’t happen TO you it happens FOR you’. Thank you!
This article was brilliant! Exactly what I’m realizing about myself and said as if my own thoughts. Thank you! Excellent, Excellent, Excellent!
So so true 🙂
Thank you a single mother of 4 girls. Vulnerable is verb I don’t really practice myself but I do expect it from my girls. Now my oldest being 19 in the Marines. I’m very vulnerable I wish I would of started earlier but I still have 3 more. Thank Gia for the reafirmation words.
Love it. How true.
This article just comes at the right time. I just finished writing a paper for school graduation and was finding difficult to let it go or sending to teacher for evaluating it. However as I read this article I see that I was afraid of what I wrote the paper about. I was afraid of what teacher will think of me and not the content of paper. Fear of being vulnerable. Thanks you for saying it here.
Great article, I really loved it! I am learning these things now, it`s not easy to change habits but I feel that it is the way to be finally real me
Gia this is so powerful. I am filled with such deep gratitude for the wisdom you embody and share with such credible honesty – role modeling being human, beautifully human; that to be vulnerable is not ugly, or represent weakness or lack of intelligence…but all of the opposite. Beautiful- just beautiful. Keep sharing this message. Your life clearly is in about as close of alignment as a human can get. This is inspirational and to where I am striving to get closer. Thank you. I am 55 and have seen a lot..your soft and open heartedness, your powerful message is from kindness and undeniable universal wisdom. Gives me such hope also for generations after mine- we need this message desperately more than ever. Thank you – from the bottom of my heart and my most vulnerable depths.